There was always something sickening about his music, some type of effect that was put on the voice that made it kind of artificially smooth, like a less damp than usual slug or something. But, like most of us, I had assumed that it was just one of those things that would be around forever, popping up inconveniently to mildly iritate at some later junction. And I don’t doubt the guy is nice – he looks it, seems like a honest, down to earth kind of chap, to be sure. But my overriding feeling at the news contained in this article that Phil Collins has called it a day, is one of elation – it really  is quite good news. Good enough to make me note it here.

The scariest Phil Collins moment of my life was being surrounded by women, from the ages of around 20 – 50, all kind of admitting to the fact that they found him sexy. I was 14 at the time, and thought I was forming a pretty good grasp on what sexy was – for me then it was strong arms, big chest, dark eyes, a nice bum, everything that well… the former drummer from Genesis wasn’t. He was 50, fat, bald, and sang Phil Collins songs. I blame that moment for me having at least a month or two of very confused sexual identity. And whilst he would probably claim it wasn’t his fault, as if it wasn’t. He made those ladies feel that way, that something, and that IS his fault. Its not mine for not feeling it, but its his fault for making me feel like an outcast. So, Phil, take your divisive drumsticks and tepid love songs, and leave us alone. And maybe apologise. But your retirement is enough for now.